Gwendy here with another slightly personal post, so if you have a weak stomach, read on with caution (though I promise, as uninviting as that warning sounds, you do want to read on).
Growing up with a slower metabolism and as my doctor once put it, “the intestinal track of a 60 year old lady”, I was very intrigued about the master cleanse, as well as any other forms of cleaning my colon and being healthier. Yes, Lo and I both know that our love for sweets and alocohol means we need to take care of ourselves even more. However, this is going against our very nature of what we do – eat and drink! And 2 whole weeks without either!
My boyfriend, Mark, had done this cleanse once before and agreed to go for it again with me. I am typing to you now during day 1 of The Master Cleanse, but I will tell you about the entire cleanse and write from each day about what I am experiencing, so you really get the most honest and straightforward picture of my adventure with this major health craze.
Day 1: Today and every day for the next 16 days, we start with a salt-water flush of 1 liter water and sea salt (half a tablespoon per cup)
Since chugging a liter of salt water is hard enough, putting the water into a smaller cup like a beer- bong party sized cup is much easier (3 cups = a liter) and then 1/2 tablespoon of salt per cup.
I felt heavy and felt like my chest would possibly cave in, but I also started deliriously laughing! This is already getting extremely interesting. It took an hour and a half for the salt water to flush through my system (unlike Mark who is a better water drinker,and who went almost right away). I was advised to drink extra water, since I don’t normally drink enough h20 (bad Gwendy) Supposedly, this would keep my body from trying to retain what I had just chugged.
Mark claims this will get easier but I am slightly skeptical of that! Salt water does not taste good nor is it fun to chug – unless you can convince yourself that it’s beer and really feel like you are getting that college sensation back.

Still on Day 1: Today we will only have raw foods, specifically fruits and vegetables.
Oh, how this day sounded so much easier than it was! After a delicious orange I was full and exhausted from the flush. I shared a great fresh squeezed juice with Mark and was full till dinner time, when we went to this amazing raw organic vegan restaurant called Rockin Raw in Brooklyn. Everything tasted amazing! Bread with sunflower butter (and mind you, the bread is made all out of grains and nuts). We had their milkshakes, mine was lavender vanilla honey. Simply delicious! We also had their BBQ Eggplant wrap and fake crab cakes which were both amazing but slightly spicy.
**However, hours – literally hours – later I start to get the sweats, like a post-hangover kind of sweat, and I go completely white and unfortunately lose this fantastic meal to the American toilet. I was so disappointed. After talking to friends that have done the cleanse before, we came up with a few theories on why this happened. 1- I believe something was spicy and I didn’t handle it well. 2-I simply over-ate, after not eating as much that first day as I normally would. 3- Apparently sometimes when we are so used to all the chemically enhanced, processed food, raw just isn’t going to go down well – weird, right?
Day 2: Juices and broths only. This was kind of awesome and relatively easy. I say “relatively” because my body was still craving caffeine and sugar, and thus slight headaches all day long which finally subsided after a laxative tea for dessert- chocolate smooth move! Ha, awesome! I knew some how we’d get chocolate into this!
Day 3: O.J only – this was terrific! My head didn’t hurt! Instead of store-bought, processed o.j., we squeezed fresh orange juice into water, which was great.If I felt hungry I took a sip, when my head hurt for a minute, I took a sip. Mark has convinced me not to take my daily allergy medicine, Claritin-D. For those with allergies, you know this is a rather big decision because it means looking and feeling like you have a major head cold v. just allergies, BUT, by Day 3 without allergy medicine, I feel fine! I sneezed and then realized I just sneezed once instead of the usual 1,000+ times in a row followed by noisy snot! Terrific!

What is needed for the Mix!
Day 4: The cleanse begins! So I wasn’t completely prepared for the taste of 1 freshly squeezed lemon, 2 tablespoons of grade b maple syrup, and a splash of cayenne pepper. It wasn’t too spicy (thank goodness, because I am somewhat of a wimp when it comes to things that are tooo spicy), but it wasn’t delicious as I hoped it would be with all that maple syrup. It is a funky lemonade that I wouldn’t drink otherwise.
[So, this shall be my life for the next 10 days, until I can finally start doing days 1-3 in reverse and Mark and I can begin weaning ourselves back to actual food. I have already started a ridiculous list of all the delicious foods I plan to eat once I can.]
Food I plan to eat after cleanse:
-Grilled cheese with only amazing cheeses & avocado (full fat deliciousness).
-Some new flavor of Ben & Jerry’s (What a Cluster, Late Night Snack and my all time favorite, Creme Brulee).
-Some delicious seafood/ceviche.
-A visit to the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck -Salty Pimp, here I’m coming for you!
-Some delicious Thai or Chinese…probably both!
-A visit to 16 Handles Frozen Yogurt in LES.
Does anyone notice I seem to have a pattern for food I crave?
Day 5-Day 12: Cleanse away- every day!
Day 8: HALF WAY DONE! Feeling great! Went to Mark’s sister Maria’s 21st birthday celebration was today — now this was a struggle. I felt no actual hunger the entire visit, but being around food — seeing it, smelling it — was the hard part! It did make me stop and think for a few minutes about how many of the things we do are solely connected to food. A birthday must have cake. Movies must have popcorn. Days that end in Y must have ice cream. Umm, okay, maybe that’s just me.
Day 11: I decided to be a completely crazy person and watch Julie and Julia during this! Bad idea? Probably. Really cute movie? I thought so!
Day 13:
If you are still with me and reading this then you know I made it! The last three days were a piece of cake! Day 14: only o.j again, Day 15: juice and broths, and then finally: raw foods! As a true lady, I won’t divulge my weight but I can tell you, I lost 7.4 lbs by day 9, and now at the end day 16, I have lost a total of 14 lbs! It is true that I will gain most (and potentially all) of it back but I am glad I know what was hiding in my colon, and that I was more than able to accomplish this goal. If you do decide to try this yourself, I recommend this link for further details and advice, but of course talking to your doctor directly is always the best idea. http://themastercleanse.org/

1st raw food- half an avocado!
Now, any advice on where to have my 1st delicious meal?
And thanks for reading!